In Need of A New Beginning

In Need of A New Beginning

This is an article for married couples who have survived marriage for a number of years. You may have experienced many ups and downs. You love your partner. You are not planning a divorce.

But you are tired. You are disappointed for reasons you don't quite understand. You want to start over--not with another partner, but start over to find again why you married them in the first place. Don't worry, there is hope. We can change our unproductive patterns of interactive and repeating the same mistakes. We can reverse patterns leading to disillusionment.

If you can work together and take a risk to create one good year of marriage, you can create a positive pattern and then repeat it. Rather than divorcing each other, you can learn to divorce the way you have done marriage. Are you excited for the possibilities? Here is the first step, give up unrealistic expectations.

Even after being married for a while, many people romanticize love and marriage into some magical vehicle for personal happiness, emotional satisfaction, and spiritual transformation. When we hang on to fantasies of what we think marriage should be like, our realities seem like harsh burdens to bear and we become dissatisfied with our relationship.

People who refuse to release their expectation of the romantic ideal become critical, judgmental, accusing, and demanding. Yet when we are in touch with reality, we know that we are not perfect ourselves, and have an easier time accepting imperfections in our partners.

So, for today, dare to take an honest look at your expectations in your own marriage or relationship. how much of the problem is in your expectations, and how much is really an issue that needs to get resolved? Ask your partner the same question. Talk about your expectations and how well they are being met. See what kind of reality you can meet at together.

A lot of ideas for this article come from a book I picked up by Dr. David and Janet Congo called One Good Year of Marriage. I hope to refer to it for a series of articles about marriage advice in the near future.

In Need of A New Beginning